Bedtime CHAOS!

I am livid right now. I was up until 0300 last night because I can’t sleep. I don’t know why. Just can’t. The good news is a night like that usually results in a early night the next day. Not tonight. The kids swam after a late dinner so I was stuck. They are up and ready to play for hours after they swim. I wanted to go to bed when they got in the damn pool. All day I took them shopping to wear them down and it was successful until they swam. All my hard work, erased. I was very excited and hopeful to have our schedule start to get back on track. ARRRRGGGHHHHH! Smarty came to my room while I was trying to get Gizmo calm and to sleep. He slapped me hard as shit in the face! I am sure his life flashed before his eyes because he jumped back and said, “SORRY”! I was livid. He said it was an accident but I say it is something he has planned to do since in the womb. I told him to get somewhere fast. I was so mad I couldn’t think. He ran into the living room crying and I had him come back to explain to me what happened and sent him to bed. Gizmo is still doing tornadic spins next to me. He won’t sleep because I want him to. I need my own house. Last straw. Whatever is good at getting Gizmo calm. I am not. I am gas for the fire. He gets mad, I get mad, we get mean. I am ready for a vacation.

Screw the days…I’m busy.

Okay, I planned to write daily but life happens so I will write as I can being a “single mother”. I actually don’t do anything but play on Facebook all day while my kids eat change and abuse the pets. Life is good. Really though, I have been chasing my tail to get into a house of our own next week and living in the middle of nowhere TX makes this a very daunting task. I hope to have electric and water there when we move in…the rest will fall in place as needed. I had to pay a damn $200 deposit for water. Yes, I was mad. Yes, I get it back. Yes, it is stupid. Who sets the amount? A very poor county with a very small population. I assume the guy (or guys, two at most) are the only people who could afford to pay that shit. Some of us just moved several states with kids, pets and cars….they cost a lot. Gimme a break. Oh, what’s that? You do a waiver? Sweet! I payed my bills on time at the last water company for over 12 months. I’m good to go. Wrong. The piece of shit employees at HWY H UTILITIES in WAYNESVILLE, MO are too busy NOT faxing my shit to the water company here to get my waiver. Ugh. I just paid the stupid check and will be happy to see my $200 in 12 months. Effin Waynesville. Good news is that my electric was free to start. I guess I won there. The place we will be living had the address changed since it had been built so that was a fun little game we played to get it setup, but free. I will talk all day to morons for free.

Smarty thinks money grows on trees so I have him working for money now. He complains so much about working I nearly offered him money to shut up. I had to do chores growing up for nothing. Nada. I got to live because I did not back talk or piss and moan about doing work. I hope he gets over this whiny stage soon. I am almost out of Zoloft and I need a new doc here. At least I have wine. I have to buy in another county because this one is dry. Blasphemy. Gizmo is a very busy little jerk. He is a jerk. You can kiss my ass if you think babies can’t be jerks because this guy is. He screams 60% or more of the day. He has a patience issue. If he wants something he wanted it 5 seconds before he thought of it or he loses his mean ass mind. I have never seen such shenanigans. I bet collective looks from people I get in public could get me started on an award winning website. Some people stare, some give the “I feel sorry for you smile”, some give HIM the “I feel sorry for you smile” and my favorite by far is the “shut your kid up”look. I have bitch slapped a few people just this week with my “kiss my big white ass” glare for the that last one. I am getting it perfected still but it is efficient in getting them to ignore my screaming heathen.

I miss Whatever a lot with all this going on. I am very high strung and he is the complete opposite. Luckily, we balance well. Without him things are very crazy. The house is clean, stuff is put where it belongs and I have time for BS like this. Wait, I’m supposed to be complaining. Uhhh, the kids don’t go to bed on time without him to bathe and dress them. Haha! I am busier these days but the OCD side of me is a happy woman. I put stuff somewhere and it stays there. It is awesome. That is what gets me through each day I’m lonely. I think of complete organization for a year. Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy!

Day 6

Smarty got a date with Mom today. Lucky guy, I know. He took his money in his robot key chain wallet and decided to purchase himself some things that interest him at Target. The $1 section is his favorite because it is cheap and there are well know characters always there. It is his money so of course he had to decide on each thing very carefully. After thinking long and hard about crap that was made in China for $0.02. he decided on glow in the dark silly bands and tablets that turn into foam shapes in water. $2 out of $7 down, 30 minutes wasted. I can easily waste a day at Target because it is the best store that was ever put on earth, but I was ready to power shop the actual store by the time this was over. So I drag the poor kiddo though all aisles that I needed stuff from and some extras as payback for standing at $1 world for incredibly too long and get my shopping done. He has this thing about getting tired or sick when we shop and he is bored. I started saying that we get to go to toys last. It’s easy. No pissing and moaning = toy shopping. We don’t always buy a toy either. We do way more looking than buying. I will never have the kid who gets everything he asks for. I love them too much to let that happen. Whatever called while we were checking out toys and video games. Guess what. Smarty is a sales pro. He let his Dad know that the game he was promised by him before he left was on sale…TODAY…and only for 3 more days. That is all. Never a peep of wanting or needing it. Just let that $12 off for the next few days simmer on your mind Dad. He is a evil little genius… He was very excited to show his game of to his Grandparents when we got home. He doesn’t get to open it until the weekend if he has a good week. He hasn’t asked to once yet. He is reading the case over and over though. I feel bad like it is a major bribe to keep him in line but it works. Gizmo got a Cars 2 car because it was supposed to be purchased by Smarty with his last $5 and he had left it with my things to be checked out. He was upset he didn’t get to buy it so he picked another to waste his money on. I patched up the soccer goal from the yard sale that needed a little TLC and we kicked the ball a bit after dark since it is still 100 degrees then in TX. Our dog is a major dumb ass when we want to play soccer. He gets kicked in his dumb face a lot and doesn’t seem to mind too much. I really do love the dog. He was my birthday gift from me but he is s-t-u-p-i-d. I hope it is a puppy charm that wears away with time. We aren’t sure how old he is. Maybe he will get smarter? Oh well, he’s ours now. Speaking of animals, our cat is very social these days. When we lived in MO in a tri-level home he nearly never showed his face. Now he is here with three adults, two kids and two dogs and he come to the kitchen and hangs out. Odd. I think he hated MO. He hid and slept all day. The cat is a whole other story in our life I could write for hours on. I better go to bed. Morning will suck tomorrow.

Day 5

Today was good. We stayed in the house until the MIL called for me to come to dinner in a city with a Target. I am unable to turn down a dinner invite so I dressed the minis and loaded the van. We drove 45 minutesish for a Cheddars dinner that was surprisingly uneventful for the most part. Gizmo has a shriek he likes to share with indoor crowds and he made sure this dinner crowd wasn’t left out. It was short lived and no glass was shattered this time. He is a picky eater and it slightly concerns me. I will be slipping vitamins to him in grilled cheese until this phase goes out I assume. Smarty is picky but will eat a ton of food he does enjoy. Not to much to worry about there, just a lot of mixing things up on my part. We are working towards being a Vegan family starting 01AUG! I am excited! I will be HOT! I can’t wait! The reason we can’t start right away is lack of supplies at the in-laws house and no schedule here. I am ready to stock my cabinets with yummy, good for us, foods! We went to Walmart and I got some Cab Sav! Finally! I have been dying for a glass of red wine. I also tried out the WIC card for a gallon of milk. It worked! Easy peasy! I feel horrible buying wine at the tail end of a WIC transaction but I had to. This dry county is killing me. Zoloft can only do so much. Together their powers make one happy mommy! We got a video from Whatever tonight via text. Gizmo has played it nearly 30 times in two minutes. He loves his daddy. Poor little turd. It will be the longest year for him I think.

Day 4

I am writing this the next day because I went to bed at 2100 last night. I didn’t fall asleep until around 0100 though. I blame coffee…or lack of wine. Anyway, yesterday:  Well, there was tension in the house so I left with my mean monkeys early (1100ish, yes early) to get some things done in a city with a Walmart. Smarty loves McDonalds more than anything else in his pitiful little life so he begged to go until I said okay. We are in Texas. It is hot. Someone tell me why someone or many someones thought it was a fantasterrific idea to put an outdoor playplace in this state. I am no genius or mathematician but I am positive Texas would be a good candidate for an indoor playplace and McDonalds could afford it just on Happy Meals I have bought over the years for Smarty. They had a good time even though I limited their play to 30 minutes so they didn’t McMelt. Off to Goodwill we went. I was a very happy thrift shopper to find out Monday was 10% discount for military! I am all about coupons! I saved $4 at Goodwill on shorts and capris to wear to my future McDonalds trips and little hangers for Gizmo’s tiny fat guy clothes. It was a great trip besides the constant pissing and moaning of Smarty about how he hates to shop and Gizmo wanting out of the cart the whole time. Then, a WIC appointment. It is a lot different going to an appointment at a location not near a military base. It’s funny how miltary wives are so self entitled. They expect to be served right then and there. That crap doesn’t fly here. You sit, you wait, you get served when they get to you or get out. I appriciate this program beyond words. I can say it saves me from one paycheck to the next. I will never complain! It comes on a card like debit here. I am very interested in how this works. I am used to the old school check that you have to get all items on or lose it. I never lost a thing! I would get it and donate it to a shelter or friend if I didn’t need it at the time. I think it will be a much smoother system. Smarty was chased by girls during our wait and asked to be a boyfriend to one. He said, “Oh no, I don’t like that. I don’t want to ever have one.” She giggle and kept playing. I was happy with his response. We came home and hung around in the cool air. Gizmo passed out at 2000. Yay! I could relax for a few hours after dark! It was nice. I guess I over did it because I stayed awake late despite my trying very hard to sleep at 2100. Maybe tonight.

Day 3

Today was busy. Gizmo the MIL and I went to a town with a Walmart (30 minutes) to get some things. As usual, we stopped be Grandy’s for some sweet tea. Yummmm! Gizmo was an angel for the trip. He carried items at the store for me, put them in the cart and smiled while doing it. I like this side of him. I hope it stays! We stopped by a few yard sales on the way back home to the country and scored a $20 very nice TV for my MIL’s preschool class, a $10 soccer goal for Smarty (very big and he loves it!), a $5 box of clothes and toys and a few $2 decor items. For about $40 you can’t complain! I love used stuff! It has much more character than new. It also has less China smell. I also got to drive my FIL’s big red tuck to go get the goal later and I had to rig a way for it to fit because I forgot tie downs. I had a cable from the earlier mentioned TV and a thick string from a random pool thermometer in the back of the truck and two small sand bags. I am sure I am a relative of McGuyver. I can do anything I need or want regardless of my supplies...unless I get hungry, hungry is my Kryptonite. I get weak and sweaty. I must have caloric intake to drive on. Luckily, I had a granola bar before this crisis and we were able to bring home the goods. We had a family swim at the request of Smarty and later began a “debate” on religion. I don’t debate religion because you can’t. You believe what you believe, that’s good enough for me. That’s my motto. It is a debate to those who don’t believe that (my motto). I will let you all know what religion I am when I find it. As of now I am Non-Denominational and I have never pushed my beliefs on others and don’t plan ever to do so. That is what a cult is. I am too intelligent and opinionated to be in one. Leader here. Followers are lame. Whatever was very upbeat sounding on the phone today. I always enjoy when he is in a good mood. He is funny and clever. It reminds me why I feel in love with him. He makes me love him more when he is gone. It’s like we are dating and we have all good things to do and say. I need to send him off every other year. Perfect marriage! Ta-Da!

Day 2

We have had visitors here since yesterday and I am pooped. Gizmo started calling for one of the dogs today. It is very cute! He says, “Bruuu…Bruuuu….” for Bruce. He had a much better day until 2100. He decided that would be a good time to scream and kick today. I disagree with his decision, as usual, but he could care less what I think. He is worn out from being the center of attention for two days. I would be a jerk too. It’s going to be a lot of long days with Daddy gone! He is terribly lost without him! I feel bad for Smarty. He seems to be left unattended a lot. He is wanting to be independent and not do stuff with “the group” he is with. I am letting him do his own thing as much as I can but I can’t help but want to hover over him. I can’t believe he will be in school next month. I am numb with all these big changes going on. It seems like our lives changed completely overnight. Luckily, the Zoloft gets me by. I guess the drinking doesn’t hurt either = ) I must go to sleep now. The turds get up with the church folk here. Not my choice in wake up times but it’s their world and I’m just living in it. Adios!

Day 1

Whatever left for GA today = ( We spent the day having lunch at Olive Garden, getting pedicures and shopping. It was a day we needed to stay busy to keep from being upset about Whatever. He had a lot of traveling to do before we would hear from him. Smarty keeps referencing his calender to let us know when he starts school and keeps asking for dates on when we move in the new place. This kid can make me want to put sharp objects in my ears. I am being put on the spot to make sense of nonsense all day. That is not the big problem we had today though. Gizmo is mean. He is a toddler terrorist. I do not negotiate with terrorists. I will not give in to a evil shriek no matter how long or how high. I did let it happen at a mall for at least an hour. I love the stares and shaking heads of people who know more than me or that are better than me. That is my favorite part. Honestly, I live for those moments. Everyone knows the people who think kids don’t belong in public or the ones who have never had a kid….the best are the ones who would take the kid home or never leave home because of a tantrum. I eat this shit up. We left when I was good and ready and he fell asleep in the car right away. Then grabbed Grandy’s for dinner to take home to the crowd and hung out on the back porch for the rest of the night. These turds like play in the hose when they get a chance. Gizmo does it naked of course = ) I do have to say water and sand on a naked toddler is not my pick of fun. Now that they are snoring I better catch some zzzzzzz’s!