No calls please

I hate cell phones. Having the convenience to call, google, text, Facebook, etc.... is fantastic. It comes at a cost though. People like me that don't like to be called to just talk are stuck with being the asshole friend doesn't answer. I just don't want to talk. I usually am too busy to sit and or stand talking for shits and giggles. Also, I have to go outside to talk. My house gets the worlds worst reception. Even outside is not a foolproof way to stay connected. The calls drop. A lot. I hate to stand outside in the Texas heat by day or being carried off by West Nile infected mosquitos at night. No thanks. Another issue is children. I won't see or hear my kids for hours and as soon as I answer a phone call...chaos. Complete crisis. There is blood, screaming and poop. All at once. Sometimes I try to climb into the phone so I can escape. I no sooner than hang up and it all disappears. It's calm and quiet. It's exactly like after a tornado destroys a town. The sky is blue and the sun is shining. There is just a big ass mess left behind. I can't spank a storm though. At least I have that.