Started working!

I got a job at a local feed store. It's very local...blocks away. I am getting a good feel for the area we live in now. The people here (the town I live and work in) are friendly and helpful. I think I could stay here awhile. We would like to buy the house we are currently renting and that is a option currently. My job is awesome. Awesome people, customer service and business type work. Too easy. I've been there and done that. I hope to stay there at least during the time I finish my degree. The hours will allow me to take a class or two at a time. Whatever got a job at a jail being a hard ass (jailer). This was where I was going to work before the other opportunity showed up. He starts next week and I think he is very excited to just be working again. A month and some change off is bad for that guy. All will be balanced in mi casa soon.

Looking for a job...

Anything! I will work any position at any place for any amount of money. I've considered stripping and
McDonald's. Those are on the same level of undesirability to me. It's hell trying to get a job in this market. Whatever came home from the land of sand earlier this month and he hasn't had luck looking either. We do 2-5 applications per day. No kidding. I assumed jobs were not so hard to get in a big area such as Dallas. I have tweaked my resume and cover letter so many times the original no longer looks like a valid form of impressing the employer. I have applied to be a event center greeter. Seriously. I can point folks to the toilet....professionally? I'm that hard up. I've even tried to be the next library shelver at a library 30 miles away. The info section of the job said I had to be 16. I'm scared I'll be beat out by a child. I really do want to work. It's a sad world when you are trying like hell to be gainfully employed and it is a job itself. This would be an appropriate place to say something about the upcoming election...I'm to tired and my break is over. Back to the hunt.

No calls please

I hate cell phones. Having the convenience to call, google, text, Facebook, etc.... is fantastic. It comes at a cost though. People like me that don't like to be called to just talk are stuck with being the asshole friend doesn't answer. I just don't want to talk. I usually am too busy to sit and or stand talking for shits and giggles. Also, I have to go outside to talk. My house gets the worlds worst reception. Even outside is not a foolproof way to stay connected. The calls drop. A lot. I hate to stand outside in the Texas heat by day or being carried off by West Nile infected mosquitos at night. No thanks. Another issue is children. I won't see or hear my kids for hours and as soon as I answer a phone call...chaos. Complete crisis. There is blood, screaming and poop. All at once. Sometimes I try to climb into the phone so I can escape. I no sooner than hang up and it all disappears. It's calm and quiet. It's exactly like after a tornado destroys a town. The sky is blue and the sun is shining. There is just a big ass mess left behind. I can't spank a storm though. At least I have that.

Hypochondria

I feel sick. Just achy and kinda blah. Maybe flu? Maybe severe cold or allergies? MAYBE WEST NILE?! I am a crazy person. I admit it time to time when I am in the mood to be honest... Worst case scenario just creeps up on me. I got it from my mother. She will take a simple issue and turn it into a crisis. Totally true story. Luckily, I grew up and got the hell out of that situation to pass the crazy on to my kids. Sigh. Anyway, back to my impending death...I've been bit by at least 20 mosquitos the past week doing odd outdoor chores. I always get ate up by them. I am without husband. I have to do stuff for myself and children still. I live in Texas. It's hot when the sun is out. So, I'd underestimate my bites to at least 1000 per year. I grew up in a wet area. Southern Indiana. Creeks and rivers. We had tons. They could carry you away but we never worried because West Nile didn't show up until 1999. Thank you Africa for that. I'm scared shitless I'll be walking down the street and just collapse because of these tiny predators snacking on me for about an hour a day. Yes, I wear bug spray. I'm not a dumbass. I still get bites. I tell myself I'm heathy enough to combat any virus that comes my way. I don't believe it though. I fear being sick and not having Whatever here to take care of the boys...and me, of course. I'll double up on my vitamins and take a few jogs this week (in the sun, I guess) so I can keep the possibility of becoming a statistic at a minimum.

Back to School

Smarty heads off to 1st grade tomorrow. He is so excited and happy to start the school year. Gizmo and I are going to post signs and decorate where I'll be hanging with some 3 year olds a few days a week. I love little kids. I really do. They are funny and soak up anything you offer at that age. Gizmo is still 2, so he is gracing another teacher with his presence. I'm glad it worked out that way because he would not be a good student for me. He turned 15 this summer in attitude years. Skipping the preteen years is something my kids strive for. They just dive into sarcasm extraordinaire level 10. Gizmo even can roll his eyes in perfect sync with his tude. I am a little proud that they can express themselves openly in a small minded world....but I keep my backhand at the ready for over-expression. With Whatever still away and in-laws in full spoil mode I have to stay sharp. It's like swatting a fly. You do it when the timing is right. Quickly, effectively, you get the job done. The crying is a side effect that is tolerable with wine. Whine for whine. Perfect.

Enough

Today is that day. I. have. had. it. The kids are extra whiney and Gizmo getting hurt turned into a crisis not once, but TWICE, today. I am not a fan of being asked over and over to play video games by Smarty. He has a fit from hell if he has to do something productive prior to rotting his brain. I'm sorry for being a parent who cares. I'm sorry I don't want to waste my days hearing your cries. It's funny, they don't always act this way. When is it mostly like this? After they visit the grandparents. Common denominator is established. So, mathly speaking...if I the visits from the equation, I will get positive results. This was a great lesson. I learned a lot.

Wth

My Mom had surgery today and I didn't know it. It's no fault but my own for not talking to her enough. I am over my head in school and home things. I'm fucking mad. I really should have moved there instead. I hate my hometown but having family is great. I came here for family but haven't had what I need since I came. It's few and far between. I get help when it works for the help. Not when I really could use it. I can't ask for help because that would be played against me in some way or form. I just know it.

Good

Today was good. The kids didn't rip each other apart and I got some things done around the house on my to-do list. I like staying busy at home if I can help it. It's free and I can take a nap with Gizmo when he becomes unbearably tired. With summer on the way I am really excited to have more days like this. I want to be able to enjoy my boys while I get much needed time off school. I miss work but like to be around the kids as much as I can while they are still little. I may be working next year so this summer is going to be a blast! I'm planning swim parks, weekend trips and outdoor adventures!

Well...

I've been away. I guess I'm only in the writing mood when I'm in a shitty mood. Today's shitty mood is sparked by the hateful one herself. I'm so not able to be told what to do. I am not sure how I made it in the Army. I make my own rules and my children's. Whatever is included in the rule making process. Issue is, when you are 7420 miles (it's correct, I googled that shit) away from your partner the rules are usually made by the present parent. Guess what! I'm a spiteful bitch when I get treated like a second class citizen. So, learn to deal or quit being so evil. I do intend on doing whatever the hell I wanna do whenever the hell I feel fit. I feel better now...almost...Gaaaaahhhhhhh! Now I'm good.

Texas

It's weird...I wanted to live her because Whatever's whole family is here. The state isn't horrible either. The issue is...small towns suck. It could just be this one, but I have a feeling it's like this in any tiny place. People are so quick to try to "one up" each other. "I just got a new Coach purse!". "Yeah, I just got two new Coach purses!". Who gives a flying rats ass?! Being all super Christianly is a contest too. The longer I live here the less I care to be associated to religion. I rarely see actual Christian values being exercised at all times. Is anyone perfect? No, but this place is full of sheeple that are good at pretending they are at church for God or themselves...really it's a fashion show and gossip update center. I am looked at with judgey eyes if I go in the gas station. It wasn't always this way. You piss off the right local and that is your punishment. Gossiped to death. It's funny how Whatever asks me how I can generalize a whole town. I can positively say that no person here is an exception. I have heard and seen it from Teachers to Preachers. They are all under the same small town anti-new people rules. I was told by people who have lived here for several years but not since birth or their grandparents, grandparents birth, "You will never be accepted". Yes, they raised children here (and grandchildren now too!) but still feel like outsiders. It's refreshing to hear that I'm not insane. Other people realize the way these people act. I was treated nicely in 2006 when I lived here for a short time. Looking back, I bet it was just smiles in my face... Shame on me for not seeing through the fake. I am elated that Whatever doesn't want to live here. He didn't want to come back... I was the one that thought "family" was a good reason to live somewhere. I could not have been more wrong. Live and learn.

Son of a...

I am fucking livid. I have had it. If I am asked, in front of people, about my finances again...I so will loose it. I have been nice. I have held back. No more. I'm sick of being the bigger person. This whole place can kiss my big white ass. I am who I am. Whatever married me and he hasn't complained yet. It's interesting how all these "Christians" are professional gossips and have no better things to do. The children are less disciplined here than I've seen on military posts and that's saying something. People seriously are just hateful. I am sure there are a handful of real Christians out there somewhere but my generalization is very accurate. The people here prey on outsiders, their own family and whoever else they can attack when they feel fit to. It's daily life it. Selfish, good for nothing,
assholes. I love how southerners (more specifically Texans) believe their shit doesn't stink when really they and knee deep in the smelly shit!!

Holy crazy days!

It's been beyond busy! Whatever is visiting from sand land and Smarty has the flu. The frickin flu! It's horrible. He's never been so sick. We were called home from our Dallas vacation early to tend to the ill one. He was in crazy pain and chills and fever kicked his tiny little ass. I gave him prescription meds for the flu. That's when you know it's bad. I don't give drugs to my kids for many things. This one was needed. In fact, we dosed Gizmo as a precaution. This kind of sick isn't playing. Im so exhausted it's not funny. I have to take a test in a testing center at school by Monday...and 3 online by next Sunday. Ugh. This week is insane. I'll do it though. I am going to take the summer off school. I plan to start running in the mornings and just hanging out with the boys. Good times.

So tired

I barely slept last night at all and today I felt fine until late this afternoon. I was incredibly tired. I decided that resting was a good idea because the boys were away at the in-laws. Bad idea. I woke up n hour later disoriented and freezing. My stomach felt horrible too. Maybe it's the stress of seeing Whatever soon or I'm just plain getting sick...either way, it's unwelcome. I hate to feel crappy! I'm a mom! I have too much to do!

Cell phones in public

I'm at my pedicure place. MY pedicure place. Where I like calm, quiet, relaxing pedicures. This is usually the case. Today, a lady is on her phone jabbering about cancer and death and all other inappropriate things out loud in MY relaxing place. I know that her kids sleep next to her in her one bedroom apartment. Dear god. Shut up. This broad is nuts. Giggling and death are not a convo I'm up for. Go home and gossip. Argh!!


Update!! Her phone died! Bahahaha!!! I love it. Every other person here smiled!

Kids in cars

I hate to let my kids ride in cars with anyone besides me. I assume it's a control thing. Smarty is going with the FIL and BIL to the movies 15 minutes away and I'll be a stressed out mess until he gets back. It's raining really hard today so that just contributes to my crazy. I hope he enjoys the movie and doesn't mind that squeeze him tight when he returns.

Gizmo

He is a badass...if I could post videos here that would be awesome. He was in the van lip syncing to Taking Back Sunday. How many 2 year olds are that cool? He was totally into it and even added his own little jam at the end. I love that little turd.

Jeans

Why is it when I need a specific pair of jeans they are not to be found? I know when I last wore them. I know they were removed in my home. I bet they show up when I either lose 20 lbs or gain it, ensuring that they cannot be worn. I will find you this week jeans. Mark my words....

Back to the diet.

I have regained 5 lbs. Awesome. I need to shed another 10.... Then I'll be happy for a bit. I blame girl scout cookies. They are so good. They must have some ingredient that strips you of your willpower.

Pics!

I can post pics here! Sweet. Fb is completely unneeded now.

Bye fb

I stopped fb again. I have too much to do and well, people suck. I hate to sound like all I do is bitch but I'm fed the fuck up with everyone and everything. I just need to be alone for a few days to actually accomplish something. I can't even fully clean my house. It's depressing. Im behind in life. I don't know how single moms do it. I just want an hour to clean my house and study. I will be saying no to everything I'm asked to do from here on out. I just need to get back on track. Who knew a vacation would mess me up so bad? I blame my family more....extended visits are no longer welcome here.

The anti-religion.

The smaller the town the bigger the gossip. The damn "christians" that live here. If you are judging and living a life full of regret-less sin...I'd say you are wrong. Fucking bible thumping, heathen raising, southern douchebag christians. I hope I move from this horrid place fast enough for my children to not become infected with the poison that you people call life. Fucktards.

Tonight's rant...

Cryptic Facebook messages. Just say what you mean. To who you mean it to. I hate the posts that are tiptoeing around what people really want to say but they don't have the balls to just come out and do it. I just realized...the older I get, the meaner I get. Hence the crazy rants....anyway, stop being a cyber pussy. Just say it.

Long crazy day

Mom left today. She had been here since Christmas. She took with her...Gerald, Heather, Adam, Rayln and Zippy (bastard rodent). I am very relieved to have my house back. Also, my kids are listening again. I started cleaning the visitor funk out of my house before they pulled out of the driveway. I cleaned from 0800 to about 1130 when Gizmo needed to power down. He passed out and I decided I would take the opportunity to doze with him. Bad. Bad idea. I missed two calls from the school nurse at 1400 to pickup Smarty because he was in horrible pain crying with an ear infection. I came after him around 1420...that is a long time in 6 year old pain minutes. I felt terrible. This just happened out of nowhere. No fever. No warning. He doesn't do pain well. He missed Tuesday at school because he had a stomach virus most of the 3 day weekend. I blame company. Too much excitement. My trip to Vegas was grand, but coming home to sickness and worm down babies is rough. Gizmo has been a trooper. Not too worn out or grouchy. I'll eat those words in the morning I bet. Anyway, so Smarty has super bad fluid in his ear and needs meds. I go to Walgreens in a city with a Walmart and it is like a five day wait...so I call my tiny town pharmacy to be sure the meds exist in that county. (You never know. Weirder shit has happened here. I promise.) it does. Great. So I drive 1 hour (30 miles with several idiots leading the way) back to our BFE town and get the meds right before they close at 1800. We make it home and I am able to calm the kids down and feed them while doing 90 loads of laundry. They just started snoring as I wrote this laying in bed with them. Time to do Macroeconomics. The day continues.....

Soldiers

I am a veteran. I believe the men and women who sign up to fight when called to do so deserve some respect. What I can't stand:

1. A bunch of sheeple who will say they are supporters and will talk it up all day. Usually a wife or mom of a soldier. Rank E-4 or below. Don't be mad. Its true. I speak truths.

2. People who have such loyalty and compassion for the troops they love so dearly. DO SOMETHING FOR THEM THEN! Holy crap this pisses me off! If you gave 2+ shits...you would get the fuck off your computer,ranting and raving about your assloads of support, and....wait for it....actually fucking support the troops! ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!!

3. When a celeb dies. Sweet baby Jesus. Copy and pasting the names of soldiers who died...this is another sheeple move. You need to think for yourself. Do you think soldiers appreciate being in a war torn country with the strong possibility of loss of life or limb for people who can only copy paste as a support our troops move? HELL NO! The answer is HELL FUCKING NO!

I could go on all day about how much I support the troops, but instead I choose to actually do so. I will donate to organizations who will and do help soldiers in several ways. I will continue to speak up when it is needed for veterans. It is needed now more than ever. So many are without jobs and so many families are in need. The copy pasting deal could help millions if a dollar was earned each time some idiot did it. Argh....I am thinking of getting my business degree and starting something to help. Somehow, someway..... Other than being a keyboard warrior. Thank you. Rant complete.

Weed

Weed is a drug. It is illegal. It is not allowed to be grown or purchased or used in the US. Why? You can't overdose on it. You can't die from consuming it. At the worst you will sit on a couch happy and hungry. You may take a good long nap. Is this worse than legal drugs? Pills, alcohol and cigarettes? I didn't think so. The government is great at brainwashing americans to believe they know something. Get educated. Not media education. Go to a library. Read. Watch a documentary...actually watch a few. You will get lots of one sided ones. Gotta make your own choices.

I won't judge.

I do indeed think I am better than some people. I am better than fake people, ignorant people, liars and douchebags. If you think you may fit into one of these categories then feel free to fuck off.

10lbs

That's right. 10lbs down. This is life changing for this heifer. I need the weight off for me. It makes such a difference to lose a big of weight. I'm planning in making it 5 times that. Yes. 50 L Bs. It's gotta go. I'm going to be hot like I was in the Army. People are already blown away by my beauty and intellect....may as well be the whole package. Haha! It's tax time and the military community is a buzz with what is gonna get bought or paid. I was in fear that we would suffer the wrath of uncle sams greedy hand this year. I was wrong. My theory is this. We will be receiving a return because we have kids. Everyone knows that kids are expensive. Beyond belief. Kid is a crappy situation kid..ssss...is shitty. It goes for bad to worse. The little leaches take, take, take. Really though, mine are awesome. They do cute redeeming stuff regularly to keep me from wanting to ship them off. I love them but sometimes I wonder what life would be like today without children in my life. I'd be on a yacht, sipping a tropical drink, in a bikini...because I'm hot. That's how it would be. Sigh.

Lost 8lbs

I will be starting my second part of the diet tomorrow. I get to add some carbs (by some I mean enough to tease me) and fruits. I will be working out and hopefully tone up some of this jelly. Dieting has came pretty easy if I'm not out. I'm used to going to lunch wherever and having whatever. It's been a better thing for the kids too. They like veggies and fruits of that's all I'll give them. Gizmo was born a vegetarian. Smarty is a meat eating republican. Seriously. The kid is my polar opposite. He makes me think all of Whatever's texan was put into that kid. I bet I win on this though. I give incentives that he can't resist. He will give in. Muwahahaha! Anyway, some weight off, more to go. Yay!

Not happy.

I'm just not happy lately. It's the days that seem to never end and being alone. I'm not a fan of deployments but it had to be done to give us financial security. I worry about what will be next. Will we be able to find jobs in the area? Do we have to move states to make it? Uncertainty is horrible. Smarty is in school. He doesn't take well to change. Even if we move a city away that would rock his world. I hope to get school finished in the next two years and have a path. Right now I'm majoring in college. I just take classes. My associates is done with exception to math and science. I will transfer to a university eventually and get my act together. Whatever is hard to talk to. He works all freakin day and is not a big talker anyway. Hopefully my BAMFcation will make me feel better.

6lbs down

I could be saying more but I am a weak little girl. I totally cheated on my diet for Smarty's basketball games. Damn you McDonalds and your genius marketing. I will keep doing well. I just had a setback that made a difference in making me want to not suck at dieting more. I can't wait to start working out. That is when the real results will come. Having family here makes my head want to spin so I'm doing good considering the piggies in the kitchen chomping on snacks every 10-20 minutes. I am snacking on veggies and hope to lose 4lbs so I can move to my next step in the program.

Weightloss

I lost 2lbs in two days already! Woohoo! I feel it. It's weird how something so small can make a difference. I'm happy to be able to do just diet changes and see results...after the first 5-10lbs I'll be working out regularly and changing my diet a bit. I'm stoked to get toned up!

Diet, day 1

210 lbs....I need this shit gone!

Bitches

Women are bitches. Plain truth. They love nothing but to be surrounded in the drama. I'm not a normal woman I guess. That's why I have always hung out with guys too. I'm not a fan of two faced, fake people. it's crazy. The smaller the town the bigger the gossip. I assumed I could meet at least a handful of people here that aren't complete trash talkers...I was dead wrong. I have more motivation to move out of this god forsaken place than ever before. Bitches.

To my Trenton friend:

Trenton is one hell of a place. Mostly like hell. It sucks. Bad. I do however have a friend I must say that is awesome. She is not like the other snotty women I am used to not wanting associate with. I love that I can have an adult conversation and be me with her! It's hard to find a good friend that has kids and understands I'm not a complete nutcase. Thank you! I hope that we remain friends even after we both leave this horrid place ;)

Family

When my mom and sister come to visit I'm happy....for a day or two. My sister is a 12 year old pain in my ass. I would beat my kids if they acted 1% like her. She has enough tude to share with all of this small town area and still need to be slapped in the mouth. I don't do kids bossing parents and sassing all day. It seems like its too late to retrain her to be a valuable member to society. I don't understand how I had the same parents a turned out so awesome.

I just get mad.

I was in a chipper mood. One kid in bed, one kid away at the in-laws...then I saw it. Something that pissed me off. All it takes. One thing to heighten my pissed off levels to no return. Argh! I want to punch someone...or puke. It literally makes me sick when I'm angry and can't fix it. I like to think I can control some things in my life but I know not all is under my control.